Teaching Our Children to Think

For many years I have counseled children and their families.  Before retiring I was an active researcher and licensed for clinical treatment of troubled young people, often working through referral by juvenile courts.  My clients were those described as troubled, angry, defiant, bullies, delinquent, withdrawn, dangerous, hyperactive, school failures, socially isolated, nerds, etc.  None of these describe such youth; they only tell of how they are wrong, how they have violated society’s standards.

How did they get so screwed up with behavior so different from what we expect?

Babies are born with a huge array of reflexes; adults have very few.  These reflexive actions put them in contact with surroundings.  They  “goo” because there is a lot of saliva and air coming out of their mouths.  They also have a “developing language area” built into their brains; this makes it easy for them to learn their language, and that area becomes more and more developed as they listen to and try to copy those around them, repeating what they hear.  At the same time they are losing reflexes as they are begged to take a first step, then another, etc., learning to control their bodies.

From our beginnings we become strong copycats.  The problem is that children cannot copy our thinking skills.  Their thinking is dominated by “I see, I listen, and I act.”  They cannot see into their future and temper their actions accordingly.  This is complicated by the brain changes which accompany adolescence.  During a long adolescent period every muscle, every gland, even body height and weight changes.  The brain changes the most and we can’t see its changes.  Remember how a child starts life – movement and language?  These are what adolescents  often use, reverting back to “acting like a baby.”  The brain fails them because it has grown and actually has set up new thinking patterns.  Many teens cannot think for themselves, so they turn to social groups that are most like them.

When a teacher or parent turns to the gun culture they are inviting their child to do so, too.  The young child has to have things explained to them, and they interpret them all wrong.  It is one thing for a child to learn about guns by going hunting with Dad.  It is quite another thing to see guns come into their classroom.  They are told “this is to keep you safe.”  They begin to wonder “safe from what and who?”  A new fear enters their life, a fear they have never encountered before.  “Haven’t I always been safe in my classroom?  I’m worried, and I don’t know how to think about this new worry.”

At this point there is a wide divergence in the behavior of children.  Some trust their parents and teachers to keep them safe.  Some withdraw.  Some find solace only in joining with peers in hard- to- control groups.  Some mimic their gun-loving dad.  Some think “there is such fear all around I will bring a gun to school, show it around, and maybe use it by shooting the student who is bullying me.  The gun is the way to go; I will be noticed and I can show and use it to solve my problems.”

Don’t ask students “don’t you see how one act like bringing a gun can change your entire future?”  The answer is NO!  “Teachers have guns, some dads have guns but they don’t hunt, everyone is talking about using guns against guns – I don’t know what to think about this new fear.  What if someone brings a machine gun into my school and my teacher has only a pistol?  I’ve heard talk about grown people going into a store to buy a gun and being turned away.  Are guns rationed?  Johnny’s dad couldn’t buy a gun, and people say it’s because he’s off his rocker.  Is there another way for him to get a gun, anyway?  I don’t want to be around him and his gun, and he lives two houses away.  And Johnny is my best friend!”

Learning to think in an adult manner progresses from   pre-adolesence until about age 21-25 years.  Most adults make this journey successfully to some extent, while others stay firmly locked into “I see, I listen, and I act” without thinking about the future.  The latter never think like an adult, they CAN’T reason/think about the future, of how their behavior and actions will affect their family, their kids’ schools, the American culture.  Their brains remain youthful and think only stubborn thoughts and of immediate actions (which may be dangerous to others).

“I’ll give up my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead hands” belongs only in macho fantasy, in a movie script.  It is becoming much like an American mantra, unfortunately.  Can you see where that will lead our American culture?  Is that the America we want for our children?

Train yourself to “see, listen, THINK, then act.”  That’s what we want for our children.  That’s what we want them to train our grandchildren to do.

Dr. Jerry Nelson, retired 

Formerly licensed in School/Clinical Psychology;  practiced in areas of childhood neurology and family dysfunctions  1966-2000